Category Archives: Our Initiatives

Do You Want to be Made Whole?

(Resolving Narcissism and Living Free)

This article will seek to paint a picture of my understanding of a root cause (there could be many others) responsible for some personality traits or a spectrum of personality traits that could be termed narcissistic. For starters, I will first describe the key features of narcissistic behaviour:

1. Apparent inability to find fault with one’s behaviour.
2. A chronic sense of righteousness (sometimes wrapped in religious zeal; in other words, this individual could be very much a church person) marked by a vindictive judgment of others and a speed to find someone to blame for unpleasant experiences.
3. Apparent inability to truly repent (since no wrong was done)
4. Stark inability to forgive and move on (the sense of condemnation is often total).
5. Tendency to create a mental narrative of issues or events to satisfy the internal sense of righteousness; this can be achieved even by distorting facts to favour a satisfactory position.
6. Tendency to defend this distorted mental image with violence (physical or verbal) just to maintain an internal form of justice.
7. Tendency to quickly convert hitherto close friends and family members to enemies once they fall short of supporting this internal narrative.
8. Great capacity and desire to present oneself to be likeable to others, including advocating for social justice issues.

Though any of these traits could be found in all of us, I am referring to a situation where at least six of the above are found in one individual. Now, if this sounds familiar, then take a seat as this article could help you.

Understanding our Sense of Justice

We all have an innate sense of justice; every city has a prison, and the citizens of every city are mostly glad for it. Though locking up someone in a jail under poor living conditions is a terrible thing to do, we can justify it by considering the offence for which the prisoner was imprisoned; in other words, any of us would gladly do bad things like locking someone up, if we think the act was just. Yes, we know it is bad, but we also think it is just, this is also true for capital offences.

So, a delicate balance is required, and this balance though mediated by the justice system (courts) reflects the internal balance in people, in most people. This balance helps us reserve punishment only for people that deserve them and to accept punishment even when we are the offenders ourselves.

How We Handle Injustice

When we experience injustice, like a scale with two equal sides, this balance tilts to one side until judgment (justice) balances it… until this balance happens, we can justify doing bad things (throwing someone to prison); after then, the score is settled.

The challenge of this scenario is that it is often “like” for “like,” punishment must be similar in both magnitude and quality to the nature of the offence. This is why though forgiveness means not imposing punishment for an offence, it always demands a change in the behaviour of the offender. In fact, forgiveness is not deemed to have been received, until this change happens.

The Problem

There are many cases where this judgment is absent. There are things that happened to us that lack a medium for mediation, there are wounds that fail to heal simply because there is no one to take responsibility; there are people that have a chronic internal sense of injustice, this is often at a subconscious level and it is what drives their disposition (note, disposition) to the other attributes earlier listed.

Note that the trigger could be anything, someone could be unhappy about their physical features and somehow based on that sense of disadvantage grow a feeling of having been unjustly treated by life. The common denominator is a sense of “injustice” (real or perceived) and an absence of remediation.

The Development of a Narcissistic Personality

This individual, living in an unconscious state of hurt, aka a chronic innate justification to do bad things (to balance the unconscious offence), will engage with the world to make the best for themselves. Here, they will find that based on their level of appreciation of what is wrong and right try to leverage their innate justification for doing bad things to get ahead.

If they live in an environment where this tendency is unchecked, they will persevere in that mindset.

Even with a very good environment, someone with this tendency can still persevere in their mindset, however, environment acts as an early check.

An environment where love is practised, where enemies are forgiven and children are not exposed to the wickedness of this world naturally helps to heal this tendency in a lot of us, however, in many, this is not the case.

There are environments where being tough and mean would help one to get ahead, there are environments where fighting for your right and overcoming physical and mental disadvantages is the only way to survive and for these ones, the need to rise to the occasions of their early lives bolsters this early disposition and ushers them into adulthood, having succeeded to an extent by “being the way they are”.

The Knowledge of Good and Bad as the Major Check

Remember that everyone knows that putting a man in prison is a bad thing, however, our feelings towards that act depend on if we think the man deserves it. So, redemption can begin by acknowledging the goodness or badness of actions regardless of their justification. Though every society needs prisons, it is not a good society when people do not know that jailing someone is a bad thing. Hence, bad things like sending people to prison should be done only by people who know how bad it is.

That said, though we all have internal knowledge of good and bad, the “righteous” narcissist often fails to use this yardstick to judge their own action, though they can use this liberally for others. Hence, what is missing is not a knowledge of what is right or wrong but a tendency to justify one’s own actions.

Do You Want to be Made Whole?

If this describes you or someone you know, it is important to state that even though a legitimate trauma could have elicited this behavioural pattern, the narcissist’s behaviour is a choice. He or she is consciously making bad decisions and justifying them, primarily from a sense of pride. Pride in the sense that the normal rules of good and bad do not apply, a learned habit of refusing to accept what the external environment is saying – “this is bad.” Hence, the question “do you want to be made whole?” Do you want to lose that soft power that this pride gives, for it can be deemed a powerful thing to give in to the full expression of one’s indignation and anger without recourse to other considerations?

If you do want to be made whole, then half the job is done. Whole here means “normal,” “healthy” … you need to give and receive forgiveness, from God and men, even if you were a victim.

God bless you.

Nelson

Somethings are so apparent that we miss them, so true yet so easy to miss. One of such is the beauty of the fact that the faith walk is a response to the grace of God; faith is always a response to Grace.

He that comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him.

The woman with the issue of blood meditated so much on her matter and on God and of the healing Messiah and concluded that the divine goodwill was so much in her favour; so much so that a mere touch of His robe would be sufficient. The Syrophoenician woman was convinced He was too gracious not to let the dogs eat of the crumbs from the children’s table; even the Roman Centurion was so convinced of His largesse that he asked that He speak the word only.

We all met this at salvation, we met the love of God and rushed forward in faith, believing that He loved us too much to allow sin and hell overwhelm us. When we struggle with sin, we reach out to Him, convinced that He has the capacity to handle that too… and yet again, we find this capacity. Sometimes we come to Him, convinced that He loves us too much to allow illness, and thence, the faith for healing rises and like Paul, we can clearly see when we have the faith to be made whole.

In summary, our faith walk is limited by how much of God’s love we can see; how much of His disposition towards us. Jesus knew the Father had given Him all things – all authority, hence, He rebuked the wind and called forth a dead man… this was not just a head knowledge, this is a transformative knowledge.

How much do you think you are loved? How much do you know you are loved? How much of His dynamic power do you presume is available to help you? Enough to answer your unspoken prayers? Enough to change this situation? Enough for mercy?

Abraham judged that He would raise the dead; and daily we make judgments of His disposition towards us. Remember, Grace calls, please let Faith answer.

(First Published on The Cable, April 27, 2019 – https://www.thecable.ng/an-alternative-path-for-the-governance-of-nations)

The world has seen a gradual rise in populist movements; our own President Muhammadu Buhari’s second term victory could be attributed to the unquestioning support of low-income-earning citizens. Not necessarily because they’re convinced he can help the status quo but for the mere fact that they can better identify with him. President Trump’s ascent to power was on the promise of reviving the economy for the middle class – “Making America Great Again”. The yellow vest movement in France, the nationalist parties in Germany and the Brexit brouhaha all have a major connection to the relative economic shift happening in our world – huge economically disenfranchised populations are feeling the pinch and are fighting back.

The summary is that capitalism as presently constituted is losing its appeal: In an April interview with Marketwatch.com, Richard Trumka, the president of the largest labour union in America – the American Federation of Labour and Congress of Industrial Organizations (AFL-CIO) – noted that capitalism has failed to boost wages for the lower and middle class and is in danger of getting replaced. He cited Trump’s emergence as proof of this shift.

His assertions hold water. For the past 40 years, according to data from the Pew Research Centre, adjusting for inflation, wages for non-supervisor roles in the USA have not risen by more than 10%. In Nigeria, it has actually regressed – if we use the minimum wage for example, in dollar terms, N30, 000 (84USD) in 2019 is a lot less than N18, 000 (118USD) in 2010.

Note, however, that within the same period, globally, the prices of assets like land, housing and automobile have seen major growth. This is so much so that, in most European cities, even surgeons – who represent the typical well-paid middle class can hardly afford a home close to the city centre; the scenario is same in Nigeria.

In addition to this gradual pauperization of the low and middle class is the increase in national debt profile. According to PENCOM (September 2018), the Nigerian federal government has borrowed more than 70% of the contributed pensions; and though Nigeria is yet to default on her debt obligations, with more than 60% of the federal government revenue going towards debt servicing, we are not too far from that destination.

With a debt to GDP ratio of 23.4%, Nigeria is pretty better than USA (82.3%), China (47.8%) and India (70.2%). Considering the size of the GDP of these nations, these are gigantic debts; and since domestic debts account for the bulk of these debts, the working middle class are hardest hit when governments print more money to pay this debt or fund the now ubiquitous welfare programmes causing inflation. In other words, it is the middle class that lends its pensions to governments that suffer the most when governments print money to repay them.

It is no surprise, then, that the middle class is shrinking. Few working-class millennials can afford what their working parents achieved at the same age. This is not just a Nigerian challenge; it is a global challenge and is contributing to a lot of global conflicts including the xenophobia in South Africa. Xenophobia and similar militant nationalism are quite appealing: it is easier to blame someone else, particularly foreigners, for intractable issues like these. Brexit is a classic case study.

BEGGAR THY NEIGHBOR: LOCALLY AND INTERNATIONALLY

Capitalism is driven by corporations, and corporations exist solely to maximize shareholders’ wealth. Though capitalism has done much better in supporting a free and prosperous society than socialism and communism, the challenge of unequal income distribution is becoming a significant concern. With it comes a growing tolerance for socialism: many people are beginning to wonder if Karl Marx was not right after all. We now expect governments to solve most of our economic problems and it appears we must make a choice between the freedom that comes from capitalism and the equality socialism/ communism offers. The challenge is that it is unlikely that we can have both.

Even though we can argue that capitalists do not seek to beggar their neighbours, yet it is not the stated goal of the capitalist structure to drive the development of her neighbours; rather, it is to harness the best of available resources to achieve optimal profitability. Hence, developing countries, which are less competitive generally, have a hard time getting good deals; even the USA is now aggressively renegotiating her trade deals. This survival-of-the-shrewdest scenario is the reason Nigeria will need a lot more than aid money to develop; we are far from competitive in a frantically competing world – in fact, the word “competitiveness” is just making a renaissance with our political elite.

CONSIDERATIONS

The goal of this article is to offer an alternative perspective particularly for developing countries in Africa which are not yet completely enmeshed in the capitalist culture and are also at a loss as to which forms of governance to adopt considering the challenges of the available alternatives. It is premised on the conclusion that the current state is not sustainable. The basis of the recommendations is underpinned by the following key factors:

1. Socio-economic impacts can and should be measured – regardless of the agent, i.e., either the public or private sector.
2. Sustainability of national development interventions is hinged on the level of balance within the system (quality of human and material development, equal opportunity in income distribution, etc.).
3. The pricing of inputs and outputs provides indicators on the level of efficiency, level of balance in income distribution and long-term system sustainability.
4. Culture and education are key factors that influence capacity for long-term productivity.

SUSTAINABILITY INDICES

Sustainability Indices (SIs) as envisioned here are guidelines/regulations/laws prescribed by government (in collaboration with the private sector) that stipulate expected, desired and required ranges of input and output conditions for broad sectors of the economy. For example, what is the required ratio of house pricing as a proportion of median income, corporate profit allocation between workers and shareholders, the price of basic education as a ratio of long-term individual productivity, the price of basic health care as a proportion of median income and the best pricing system for public bonds?

The key goal of the SIs is to ensure that the activities of both the private sector reflect, foster and achieve sustainability considerations. This is very important, as capitalism as presently construed does not consider sustainability as a target.

Take, for example, the cost of housing – one of man’s most important expenditure items. When the cost of housing exceeds a certain proportion of household income, it becomes non-sustainable; the same applies to cost of basic household feeding, health and education. Proactive collaboration between the state and private sector to achieve outcomes that meet the sustainable indices are critical for sustainable development.

The SIs therefore provide a goalpost for economic activities – regardless of whether they are capitalistic or social in nature. The goal of government, consequently, will be to engage critical stakeholders to meet those sustainable ranges and to be inactive when market forces alone can achieve the same.

For income distribution, for example, the SIs can determine what is equitable, either by using taxes or by regulating in-house company profit sharing systems.

Another major issue is public bonds issuance. Governments have fallen in the habit of issuing long-term bonds they don’t plan to repay in the foreseeable future. However, with an SI system that ensures that all bonds are repayable from their impacts within, say, a 25-year interval, it is expected that greater thought would be applied to government debt management systems. Note that the asset prices in some industries, e.g., railways and road construction can be inflated based on the fact that governments are the main buyers – in other words, when evaluated for their economic output, some of such assets are overpriced. SIs ensure that public borrowings for public infrastructure must reflect sustainability; outputs should be sufficient to cover the cost of inputs after adjusting for other costs (inflation and premiums).

The above, if implemented, will lead to structured independent government bonds and a departure from a typical socialist structure where government builds ultra-cheap infrastructure in the short term with heavy loan obligations in the long term. Under this arrangement, a road infrastructure bond will exist as a self-repayable bond. For example, government can structure itself to focus (this is an example) 30% of its revenue on unrepayable investments (security etc.), 25% on overhead, 10% on savings, 30% on repayable investments (its investment) and 5% on prospecting.

Note that taxation is a form of repayment. This proposal essentially recommends that the government be restructured as a social venture capitalist managing public resources with a focus on sustainability and not just growth.

KEY EFFECTS OF THIS APPROACH

1. Immediate dwindling of the cost of governance as many government institutions will fail to meet the requisite sustainability conditions.
2. Increased transparency in the governance process, as the goal posts are real and easy to comprehend.
3. Massive investment in long-term impactful education as this portends one of the most sustainable interventions.
4. Decrease in government debt resulting from more pragmatism in project design and implementation.
5. Reduced income disparity due to relatively reduced asset appreciation and better income distribution practice.
6. Emergence of balanced incentive structures.

Growing up, I have often wondered why the descriptions of heaven and the promises of God seem to inspire a sense of pleasure; for example, the streets and city of gold as described in the book of revelations, the promised land for the Israelites was described as a land flowing with milk and honey; the blessings of obedience to the law promised to the Israelites, was also described in such pleasure-inspiring form.

Then, I’ve often wondered that my experience was not flowing in this same direction to say the least, I have always associated the pursuit of the things of God as a sacrifice of pleasure, in fact growing up, the very notion of discipline, of right and wrong, was synonymous with the sacrifice of pleasure.

I saw God as a tax master, whose goal was to collect from me anything that was designed to make life fun and interesting. It wasn’t long before it became clear that I wasn’t the only one thinking in this direction.  I remember observing with a friend, the journey to faith testimony of a family member, who had lived a life of self-pleasure before coming to faith. After the testimony, my friend remarked that the person testifying had enjoyed his life before coming to faith and that we should be allowed to do so. He was dead serious.

When the Good Seems Bland

There are many kinds of pleasurable experiences, for example, a beautiful landscape inspires a form of pleasure different from that of a good meal or those from human relationships. The source and form of such pleasures could be either legitimate or illegitimate.

A pleasurable experience could be legitimate in a certain scenario and illegitimate in another; in a mind that doesn’t care so much about or have a good understanding of the grounds for the legitimacy of experiences, the pursuit of what is good could always be seen as a denial of pleasure. This posture of the mind could be so ingrained that even the very desire for pleasure could be seen as illegitimate.

There are indeed legitimate pleasures, and it is not the purpose of God to deny us these; He is in fact happy and much willing to lavish us with pleasure.

The Beauty and Dynamism of Legitimate Pleasure

The beauty of legitimate pleasures is that they are intricately bound to the good. In other words, the city of gold is a matter-of-fact description of heaven and not an appeal to heaven; the joys of intimacy in a marriage are an intricate part of a good marriage and not just the rewards of it. In other words, for legitimate pleasure, it is almost impossible to separate the pleasure from the good deed.

In other words, if this pleasure is sought by someone who is not seeking legitimacy, he would not be able to have it. The land flowing with milk and honey cannot be found by just anyone but by only those who have followed the giver of the land. This explains why though many have sought pleasure, few have genuinely found it. Our work, therefore, is not hard; it is to pursue God, to do the good and to enjoy Him and the pleasures intrinsically bound to the flourishing of our good works.

God bless you.

@Nelson

“The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all of them that have pleasure therein. His work is honourable and glorious: and his righteousness endureth forever.” Psa 111:2 -3

Image credit – https://return-of-the-lord-jesus.medium.com/mystery-of-the-heavenly-kingdom-f2d6773a9a7d

If you are a busy person, you might need to take out a little time to reflect; to capture the full breadth of the often-hidden beauty in our world. If you have time on your hands, this might come more naturally; when we search deeply, we will clearly see that our world is indeed beautiful.

This beauty exists, despite the failings, the wickedness and all the evils we see in our world. In fact, it is what gives us the courage to wake up in the morning, to engage our daily tasks. We find such in relationships, in needs met, in aspirations fulfilled, dreams realized and in gaining a sense of significance in a crowded world.

It is almost as if we could equate our experience of this world’s beauty and magnificence to the degree of success, we achieve in it. Even though one can argue that those who have achieved the most success in our world do not live the best lives, they at least appear to do.

I attempt to think of the love of Christ, from this perspective also, that God does want to give me the best of this life – not just this brief mortal existence but of the entirety of life, of eternity. God, the maker of life, wants the best, the very best for all of His children; hence, when we complain of the failings of this world, He is the first to remind us that this is not the only plan, that this is just early days, the stumbling of a child learning to walk. Like a child, who spends a considerable amount of time crying, our initial experience of life could be rightly deemed to be traumatic.

In Jesus Christ, we find the cure to the chief trauma, the death effect of sin; In Him, God resolved our chief dilemma – our propensity to err; He forgave our sinfulness and supplies us with His Spirit so that we could live beautiful lives.

The love of Christ, in summary, is the entire plan, it is what makes this existence, this intermittent series of laughter and suffering, to have meaning. A meaning that transcends our mortality, our at best, 70-80 years on planet earth.

Sometimes, I wonder what life would look like if there were no forgiveness of sins, if there were no encouragement and comfort, of love and truth. It is indeed true that when we lose sight of these, that meaninglessness sets in, and we begin to dry up and die.

He loved us so that we could truly live beautiful lives.

God bless you.

@Nelson

1Jn 1:4 And we write these things to you so that your joy may be full.

Image Credit: https://missionsbox.org/news/christians-loving-others-jesus/

By Nelson Okwonna

I doubt if I will ever get used to dentist visits; even minor procedures like routine cleaning get my pulse racing; however, we know dental visits are the least of our worries when the subject of pain is considered. Then, we often think of the type that blocks the entire horizon – the kind that makes it difficult to see anything else – rape, homelessness, cancer, torture, kidnapping, death and fear of death. It is difficult to relate until it comes home, until we experience firsthand the ravages of armed banditry, terrorism, HIV/AIDS, sickle cell anaemia disease, racism, false accusations and cancer; we find it hard to understand.

Trauma Creates Victims

These kinds of pain – the kind that blocks the entire horizon and demand our consistent and immediate attention – have the capacity to make victims of us. The mindset of victimhood is not necessarily the mindset of hopelessness, rather it is the mindset that somehow, life has dealt us a bad hand. In response, we are quick to conclude that something, someone is responsible. Even when the trauma is imaginary, the victim mindset is a real scenario that demand attention because we easily find ourselves in the position more often than we care to admit. Consider the fact that mere existence, life itself, could be adjudged as a traumatic experience.

The Victim’s Sense of Justice

Naturally, a victim demands justice – to right the wrong. With this natural desire is the sense of fury required to execute this justice. However, in many cases of trauma, the mechanism by which this justice should be executed is not always possible or clear. For example, the African Americans of USA have historically suffered great injustice in the hands of their Caucasian co-citizens – from slavery to racial discrimination; yet it is not apparent how exactly they are to exact justice for the wrong done to them.

Bitterness and Propensity for Sin

This inability to resolve the justice requirement could make the victim bitter or lower his resistance to actions he would otherwise have believed to be wrong. Alcoholism and drug use are vices often undertaken to “numb the pain”; individuals with a victim mindset believe that some-how they are entitled to such vices. Prostitution, youth violence, suicide, reprisal movements are often actions taken by individuals who otherwise wouldn’t have done so if not for the sense that somehow, they are “entitled” to some reprieve. This vicious cycle of trauma begetting bitterness and justification of vice is responsible for a lot of the evil we see in our world today, from religious fundamentalism to domestic issues. It leads to what I call a caricature of the soul – a previous article does justice to this.

Unresolved Bitterness Creates Caricatures

The initial trauma that caused the state of victimhood is usually unresolved or is perceived unresolvable, yet the outworking of bitterness and vice creates perversions of reality for the victim, who over time adopts a different standard of judgment for themselves and for others. A case study can be seen with the Indian Americans, Afro-Americans and the aborigines of Australia; we also see this even with oppressed minority tribes in Nigeria. Make no mistake, the oppression can be very much real, but the bitterness and its effects are even more so.

Is there Hope for the Victim?

Yea, there is. if this victim realizes that the bitterness and resultant vices are sins, and repents from them, then he can come to joy. Joy is that delightful sense of God-presence with which every oppression and trauma can be overcome. It is not the absence of issues, but the presence of something despite the issues. You see, the traumatic events of our lives, regardless of how intense they are, do not influence our relationship with God in any way, they do not even provide insight on the state of that relationship.

However, the bitterness and vices that can result from that traumatic experience can easily take us far away from God and into dark places, which is why repentance is required. It may sound strange that we would need to tell the victim to repent, but we must. Life might have dealt him a bad hand, things could be tough, yet the righteous requirements of God are the same. Of course, the victim has a lot of questions – one of which is “why evil happens to innocent people?” I’ve written on this earlier… Yes, dear, evil things happen to good people all the time; yet the good news is that Good can co-exist even in that evil state.

Rise or Fall: Choosing Life

It is very true that individuals who have experienced intense trauma can retain sanity and joy despite their trauma and overcome the appeals of bitterness; it is also true that it is only by so doing that they can overcome the slide into bitterness and the accompanying vices. Traumatic events cannot leave us the same, we either rise with them or slip; the message of the Gospel is that we can rise with them. The gospel is for the poor – the humbled, the broken hearted, the mourning. It is for the individuals who have met with life, seen their total incapacities and have reached out to God; we can boldly say that God is very near to all who call upon Him.

God with Us

Now, we are quick to call on God to save us from this evil and rightly so; but first of all, we must know that He is with us, even in this evil. It is this God-with-us consciousness that compel forgiveness; yes, you must forgive others and yourself. This does not mean that you mustn’t eventually overcome the evil, but that it finds no place in your heart. Even if your case is of a terminal nature and will result in the loss of life and there is nothing that can be done to avert it, then be assured that you’ve trusted in the one who can raise the dead and who has the capacity to judge righteously. When Jesus said, “unto thy hands I commit my Spirit”, He reminds us of the right disposition for all who’ve trusted in God and have met an overwhelming evil. We cannot commit ourselves to revenge, to bitterness or self-pity, we cannot even trust in the mercies of men, rather, we can commit ourselves to God and come, bearing sacrifices of Joy.

May God’s grace be with you and yours. Amen