About: Nelson Okwonna

Do You Want to be Made Whole?

(Resolving Narcissism and Living Free)

This article will seek to paint a picture of my understanding of a root cause (there could be many others) responsible for some personality traits or a spectrum of personality traits that could be termed narcissistic. For starters, I will first describe the key features of narcissistic behaviour:

1. Apparent inability to find fault with one’s behaviour.
2. A chronic sense of righteousness (sometimes wrapped in religious zeal; in other words, this individual could be very much a church person) marked by a vindictive judgment of others and a speed to find someone to blame for unpleasant experiences.
3. Apparent inability to truly repent (since no wrong was done)
4. Stark inability to forgive and move on (the sense of condemnation is often total).
5. Tendency to create a mental narrative of issues or events to satisfy the internal sense of righteousness; this can be achieved even by distorting facts to favour a satisfactory position.
6. Tendency to defend this distorted mental image with violence (physical or verbal) just to maintain an internal form of justice.
7. Tendency to quickly convert hitherto close friends and family members to enemies once they fall short of supporting this internal narrative.
8. Great capacity and desire to present oneself to be likeable to others, including advocating for social justice issues.

Though any of these traits could be found in all of us, I am referring to a situation where at least six of the above are found in one individual. Now, if this sounds familiar, then take a seat as this article could help you.

Understanding our Sense of Justice

We all have an innate sense of justice; every city has a prison, and the citizens of every city are mostly glad for it. Though locking up someone in a jail under poor living conditions is a terrible thing to do, we can justify it by considering the offence for which the prisoner was imprisoned; in other words, any of us would gladly do bad things like locking someone up, if we think the act was just. Yes, we know it is bad, but we also think it is just, this is also true for capital offences.

So, a delicate balance is required, and this balance though mediated by the justice system (courts) reflects the internal balance in people, in most people. This balance helps us reserve punishment only for people that deserve them and to accept punishment even when we are the offenders ourselves.

How We Handle Injustice

When we experience injustice, like a scale with two equal sides, this balance tilts to one side until judgment (justice) balances it… until this balance happens, we can justify doing bad things (throwing someone to prison); after then, the score is settled.

The challenge of this scenario is that it is often “like” for “like,” punishment must be similar in both magnitude and quality to the nature of the offence. This is why though forgiveness means not imposing punishment for an offence, it always demands a change in the behaviour of the offender. In fact, forgiveness is not deemed to have been received, until this change happens.

The Problem

There are many cases where this judgment is absent. There are things that happened to us that lack a medium for mediation, there are wounds that fail to heal simply because there is no one to take responsibility; there are people that have a chronic internal sense of injustice, this is often at a subconscious level and it is what drives their disposition (note, disposition) to the other attributes earlier listed.

Note that the trigger could be anything, someone could be unhappy about their physical features and somehow based on that sense of disadvantage grow a feeling of having been unjustly treated by life. The common denominator is a sense of “injustice” (real or perceived) and an absence of remediation.

The Development of a Narcissistic Personality

This individual, living in an unconscious state of hurt, aka a chronic innate justification to do bad things (to balance the unconscious offence), will engage with the world to make the best for themselves. Here, they will find that based on their level of appreciation of what is wrong and right try to leverage their innate justification for doing bad things to get ahead.

If they live in an environment where this tendency is unchecked, they will persevere in that mindset.

Even with a very good environment, someone with this tendency can still persevere in their mindset, however, environment acts as an early check.

An environment where love is practised, where enemies are forgiven and children are not exposed to the wickedness of this world naturally helps to heal this tendency in a lot of us, however, in many, this is not the case.

There are environments where being tough and mean would help one to get ahead, there are environments where fighting for your right and overcoming physical and mental disadvantages is the only way to survive and for these ones, the need to rise to the occasions of their early lives bolsters this early disposition and ushers them into adulthood, having succeeded to an extent by “being the way they are”.

The Knowledge of Good and Bad as the Major Check

Remember that everyone knows that putting a man in prison is a bad thing, however, our feelings towards that act depend on if we think the man deserves it. So, redemption can begin by acknowledging the goodness or badness of actions regardless of their justification. Though every society needs prisons, it is not a good society when people do not know that jailing someone is a bad thing. Hence, bad things like sending people to prison should be done only by people who know how bad it is.

That said, though we all have internal knowledge of good and bad, the “righteous” narcissist often fails to use this yardstick to judge their own action, though they can use this liberally for others. Hence, what is missing is not a knowledge of what is right or wrong but a tendency to justify one’s own actions.

Do You Want to be Made Whole?

If this describes you or someone you know, it is important to state that even though a legitimate trauma could have elicited this behavioural pattern, the narcissist’s behaviour is a choice. He or she is consciously making bad decisions and justifying them, primarily from a sense of pride. Pride in the sense that the normal rules of good and bad do not apply, a learned habit of refusing to accept what the external environment is saying – “this is bad.” Hence, the question “do you want to be made whole?” Do you want to lose that soft power that this pride gives, for it can be deemed a powerful thing to give in to the full expression of one’s indignation and anger without recourse to other considerations?

If you do want to be made whole, then half the job is done. Whole here means “normal,” “healthy” … you need to give and receive forgiveness, from God and men, even if you were a victim.

God bless you.

Nelson

Somethings are so apparent that we miss them, so true yet so easy to miss. One of such is the beauty of the fact that the faith walk is a response to the grace of God; faith is always a response to Grace.

He that comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him.

The woman with the issue of blood meditated so much on her matter and on God and of the healing Messiah and concluded that the divine goodwill was so much in her favour; so much so that a mere touch of His robe would be sufficient. The Syrophoenician woman was convinced He was too gracious not to let the dogs eat of the crumbs from the children’s table; even the Roman Centurion was so convinced of His largesse that he asked that He speak the word only.

We all met this at salvation, we met the love of God and rushed forward in faith, believing that He loved us too much to allow sin and hell overwhelm us. When we struggle with sin, we reach out to Him, convinced that He has the capacity to handle that too… and yet again, we find this capacity. Sometimes we come to Him, convinced that He loves us too much to allow illness, and thence, the faith for healing rises and like Paul, we can clearly see when we have the faith to be made whole.

In summary, our faith walk is limited by how much of God’s love we can see; how much of His disposition towards us. Jesus knew the Father had given Him all things – all authority, hence, He rebuked the wind and called forth a dead man… this was not just a head knowledge, this is a transformative knowledge.

How much do you think you are loved? How much do you know you are loved? How much of His dynamic power do you presume is available to help you? Enough to answer your unspoken prayers? Enough to change this situation? Enough for mercy?

Abraham judged that He would raise the dead; and daily we make judgments of His disposition towards us. Remember, Grace calls, please let Faith answer.

We all, with unveiled faces behold as in a mirror, the glory of Christ are transformed to that same image, from glory to glory.

God in His glory is revealed only by the congregation – the Church; each man revealing a measure of glory – the multifaceted wisdom of God.

Apostle Paul in 2 Cor 3 wrote that the Corinthians represent his apostolic epistle engraved in human hearts; in other words, that the glory of God manifest within the hearts of the Apostles has been ministered to the Corinthians, as it is known and read by all men. This Ministration of the glory is in the same manner as the epistle of Moses, which he termed the Ministry of Death; yet was manifest with glory, a glory that the Israelites could not stand.

Moses had to wear a veil, but not us – not here, in Christ, we do not wear veils, we can stand the glory; for God who has commanded light to shine out of darkness has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

So, the Apostolic Ministrations always manifested with surpassing glory can be beheld with unveiled faces. When we do so, this causes transformation in the hearts of the beholder, hence, our challenge is not in the capacity to behold, but in the willingness to behold; the Christian is therefore limited by the quality and quantity of his consecration to his sanctification.

So, here then is the summary:

1. Anyone who turns to Christ has had the veil removed, there is now an inherent capacity to stand the revelation of glory and to be transformed to the same level of glory.
2. It is God who has made this capacity possible – the Lord is that Spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
3. The duty of continuous beholding is the common task.
4. With this confidence, the revelator or the Minister is emboldened to speak freely, confident that the revelation of the ascending glory of God (from glory to glory) can effect corresponding transformation to the receivers via the technology of being-in-Christ-Jesus.

God does nothing that is secular.

The son of God is never not-spiritual, his work becomes a revelation of his spirituality – of the nature of righteousness he harbors and the quality of judgments he has received and practiced.

These two arbiters – the state of standing with the Father of all Spirits (righteousness) and the character of our spirits (judgments) are revealed in work.

Work is the summation of human interaction with the material environment to advance the dominion mandate of the human race over creation.

That this spiritual entity called man is bound in materiality is the mystery – it is as if God has bound his destiny with the destiny of the material universe to which he has been placed; hence, he can feel pain, limitations, hunger, illness, the joy, and sadness occasioned by his mortality.

The dominion mandate in him rails against these limitations and dictates that he masters this universe; but he can do so with or without acknowledging the source of his power.

In Psalms 72, David wrote “give the King your judgments, o God, and your righteousness to the King’s son” and of the implication of this – “he will judge your people in righteousness and the poor with justice… he shall come down like rain on the mown grass and like showers that water the land… he will break the oppressor in pieces… in his days, the righteous shall flourish… the kings of Tarshish shall bring presents…”

We can see the range of the influence of the anointed man of God in the workplace.

When we deliver these executive expressions properly, the results are outstanding; but remember, it is always at the instance of the judgments of God we’ve received and practiced and of His righteousness (a positional authority).

This is the basis for the great life of men like David and Daniel; they engaged their work from a place of righteousness with God – hence nothing was impossible with them. They also did so from a place of received judgments, hence, they acted with the mind of God. The manifestation of these judgments are in levels and confer different graces  – the more aligned this man is, the more grace he can wield.

This criterion is also reiterated in Romans 5:17 – “…we who have received the abundance of Grace, and the gift of righteousness shall reign in life.”

So, in summary, there are things to receive and cultivate – God’s righteousness and His judgments, and when received must be fully deployed – to bless the poor, bless the earth and to destroy the oppressor; the submission of the earth to this man and the presents/gold of kings is a by-product of this engagement and not the pursuit.

(First Published on The Cable, April 27, 2019 – https://www.thecable.ng/an-alternative-path-for-the-governance-of-nations)

The world has seen a gradual rise in populist movements; our own President Muhammadu Buhari’s second term victory could be attributed to the unquestioning support of low-income-earning citizens. Not necessarily because they’re convinced he can help the status quo but for the mere fact that they can better identify with him. President Trump’s ascent to power was on the promise of reviving the economy for the middle class – “Making America Great Again”. The yellow vest movement in France, the nationalist parties in Germany and the Brexit brouhaha all have a major connection to the relative economic shift happening in our world – huge economically disenfranchised populations are feeling the pinch and are fighting back.

The summary is that capitalism as presently constituted is losing its appeal: In an April interview with Marketwatch.com, Richard Trumka, the president of the largest labour union in America – the American Federation of Labour and Congress of Industrial Organizations (AFL-CIO) – noted that capitalism has failed to boost wages for the lower and middle class and is in danger of getting replaced. He cited Trump’s emergence as proof of this shift.

His assertions hold water. For the past 40 years, according to data from the Pew Research Centre, adjusting for inflation, wages for non-supervisor roles in the USA have not risen by more than 10%. In Nigeria, it has actually regressed – if we use the minimum wage for example, in dollar terms, N30, 000 (84USD) in 2019 is a lot less than N18, 000 (118USD) in 2010.

Note, however, that within the same period, globally, the prices of assets like land, housing and automobile have seen major growth. This is so much so that, in most European cities, even surgeons – who represent the typical well-paid middle class can hardly afford a home close to the city centre; the scenario is same in Nigeria.

In addition to this gradual pauperization of the low and middle class is the increase in national debt profile. According to PENCOM (September 2018), the Nigerian federal government has borrowed more than 70% of the contributed pensions; and though Nigeria is yet to default on her debt obligations, with more than 60% of the federal government revenue going towards debt servicing, we are not too far from that destination.

With a debt to GDP ratio of 23.4%, Nigeria is pretty better than USA (82.3%), China (47.8%) and India (70.2%). Considering the size of the GDP of these nations, these are gigantic debts; and since domestic debts account for the bulk of these debts, the working middle class are hardest hit when governments print more money to pay this debt or fund the now ubiquitous welfare programmes causing inflation. In other words, it is the middle class that lends its pensions to governments that suffer the most when governments print money to repay them.

It is no surprise, then, that the middle class is shrinking. Few working-class millennials can afford what their working parents achieved at the same age. This is not just a Nigerian challenge; it is a global challenge and is contributing to a lot of global conflicts including the xenophobia in South Africa. Xenophobia and similar militant nationalism are quite appealing: it is easier to blame someone else, particularly foreigners, for intractable issues like these. Brexit is a classic case study.

BEGGAR THY NEIGHBOR: LOCALLY AND INTERNATIONALLY

Capitalism is driven by corporations, and corporations exist solely to maximize shareholders’ wealth. Though capitalism has done much better in supporting a free and prosperous society than socialism and communism, the challenge of unequal income distribution is becoming a significant concern. With it comes a growing tolerance for socialism: many people are beginning to wonder if Karl Marx was not right after all. We now expect governments to solve most of our economic problems and it appears we must make a choice between the freedom that comes from capitalism and the equality socialism/ communism offers. The challenge is that it is unlikely that we can have both.

Even though we can argue that capitalists do not seek to beggar their neighbours, yet it is not the stated goal of the capitalist structure to drive the development of her neighbours; rather, it is to harness the best of available resources to achieve optimal profitability. Hence, developing countries, which are less competitive generally, have a hard time getting good deals; even the USA is now aggressively renegotiating her trade deals. This survival-of-the-shrewdest scenario is the reason Nigeria will need a lot more than aid money to develop; we are far from competitive in a frantically competing world – in fact, the word “competitiveness” is just making a renaissance with our political elite.

CONSIDERATIONS

The goal of this article is to offer an alternative perspective particularly for developing countries in Africa which are not yet completely enmeshed in the capitalist culture and are also at a loss as to which forms of governance to adopt considering the challenges of the available alternatives. It is premised on the conclusion that the current state is not sustainable. The basis of the recommendations is underpinned by the following key factors:

1. Socio-economic impacts can and should be measured – regardless of the agent, i.e., either the public or private sector.
2. Sustainability of national development interventions is hinged on the level of balance within the system (quality of human and material development, equal opportunity in income distribution, etc.).
3. The pricing of inputs and outputs provides indicators on the level of efficiency, level of balance in income distribution and long-term system sustainability.
4. Culture and education are key factors that influence capacity for long-term productivity.

SUSTAINABILITY INDICES

Sustainability Indices (SIs) as envisioned here are guidelines/regulations/laws prescribed by government (in collaboration with the private sector) that stipulate expected, desired and required ranges of input and output conditions for broad sectors of the economy. For example, what is the required ratio of house pricing as a proportion of median income, corporate profit allocation between workers and shareholders, the price of basic education as a ratio of long-term individual productivity, the price of basic health care as a proportion of median income and the best pricing system for public bonds?

The key goal of the SIs is to ensure that the activities of both the private sector reflect, foster and achieve sustainability considerations. This is very important, as capitalism as presently construed does not consider sustainability as a target.

Take, for example, the cost of housing – one of man’s most important expenditure items. When the cost of housing exceeds a certain proportion of household income, it becomes non-sustainable; the same applies to cost of basic household feeding, health and education. Proactive collaboration between the state and private sector to achieve outcomes that meet the sustainable indices are critical for sustainable development.

The SIs therefore provide a goalpost for economic activities – regardless of whether they are capitalistic or social in nature. The goal of government, consequently, will be to engage critical stakeholders to meet those sustainable ranges and to be inactive when market forces alone can achieve the same.

For income distribution, for example, the SIs can determine what is equitable, either by using taxes or by regulating in-house company profit sharing systems.

Another major issue is public bonds issuance. Governments have fallen in the habit of issuing long-term bonds they don’t plan to repay in the foreseeable future. However, with an SI system that ensures that all bonds are repayable from their impacts within, say, a 25-year interval, it is expected that greater thought would be applied to government debt management systems. Note that the asset prices in some industries, e.g., railways and road construction can be inflated based on the fact that governments are the main buyers – in other words, when evaluated for their economic output, some of such assets are overpriced. SIs ensure that public borrowings for public infrastructure must reflect sustainability; outputs should be sufficient to cover the cost of inputs after adjusting for other costs (inflation and premiums).

The above, if implemented, will lead to structured independent government bonds and a departure from a typical socialist structure where government builds ultra-cheap infrastructure in the short term with heavy loan obligations in the long term. Under this arrangement, a road infrastructure bond will exist as a self-repayable bond. For example, government can structure itself to focus (this is an example) 30% of its revenue on unrepayable investments (security etc.), 25% on overhead, 10% on savings, 30% on repayable investments (its investment) and 5% on prospecting.

Note that taxation is a form of repayment. This proposal essentially recommends that the government be restructured as a social venture capitalist managing public resources with a focus on sustainability and not just growth.

KEY EFFECTS OF THIS APPROACH

1. Immediate dwindling of the cost of governance as many government institutions will fail to meet the requisite sustainability conditions.
2. Increased transparency in the governance process, as the goal posts are real and easy to comprehend.
3. Massive investment in long-term impactful education as this portends one of the most sustainable interventions.
4. Decrease in government debt resulting from more pragmatism in project design and implementation.
5. Reduced income disparity due to relatively reduced asset appreciation and better income distribution practice.
6. Emergence of balanced incentive structures.

Growing up, I have often wondered why the descriptions of heaven and the promises of God seem to inspire a sense of pleasure; for example, the streets and city of gold as described in the book of revelations, the promised land for the Israelites was described as a land flowing with milk and honey; the blessings of obedience to the law promised to the Israelites, was also described in such pleasure-inspiring form.

Then, I’ve often wondered that my experience was not flowing in this same direction to say the least, I have always associated the pursuit of the things of God as a sacrifice of pleasure, in fact growing up, the very notion of discipline, of right and wrong, was synonymous with the sacrifice of pleasure.

I saw God as a tax master, whose goal was to collect from me anything that was designed to make life fun and interesting. It wasn’t long before it became clear that I wasn’t the only one thinking in this direction.  I remember observing with a friend, the journey to faith testimony of a family member, who had lived a life of self-pleasure before coming to faith. After the testimony, my friend remarked that the person testifying had enjoyed his life before coming to faith and that we should be allowed to do so. He was dead serious.

When the Good Seems Bland

There are many kinds of pleasurable experiences, for example, a beautiful landscape inspires a form of pleasure different from that of a good meal or those from human relationships. The source and form of such pleasures could be either legitimate or illegitimate.

A pleasurable experience could be legitimate in a certain scenario and illegitimate in another; in a mind that doesn’t care so much about or have a good understanding of the grounds for the legitimacy of experiences, the pursuit of what is good could always be seen as a denial of pleasure. This posture of the mind could be so ingrained that even the very desire for pleasure could be seen as illegitimate.

There are indeed legitimate pleasures, and it is not the purpose of God to deny us these; He is in fact happy and much willing to lavish us with pleasure.

The Beauty and Dynamism of Legitimate Pleasure

The beauty of legitimate pleasures is that they are intricately bound to the good. In other words, the city of gold is a matter-of-fact description of heaven and not an appeal to heaven; the joys of intimacy in a marriage are an intricate part of a good marriage and not just the rewards of it. In other words, for legitimate pleasure, it is almost impossible to separate the pleasure from the good deed.

In other words, if this pleasure is sought by someone who is not seeking legitimacy, he would not be able to have it. The land flowing with milk and honey cannot be found by just anyone but by only those who have followed the giver of the land. This explains why though many have sought pleasure, few have genuinely found it. Our work, therefore, is not hard; it is to pursue God, to do the good and to enjoy Him and the pleasures intrinsically bound to the flourishing of our good works.

God bless you.

@Nelson

“The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all of them that have pleasure therein. His work is honourable and glorious: and his righteousness endureth forever.” Psa 111:2 -3

Image credit – https://return-of-the-lord-jesus.medium.com/mystery-of-the-heavenly-kingdom-f2d6773a9a7d

If you are a busy person, you might need to take out a little time to reflect; to capture the full breadth of the often-hidden beauty in our world. If you have time on your hands, this might come more naturally; when we search deeply, we will clearly see that our world is indeed beautiful.

This beauty exists, despite the failings, the wickedness and all the evils we see in our world. In fact, it is what gives us the courage to wake up in the morning, to engage our daily tasks. We find such in relationships, in needs met, in aspirations fulfilled, dreams realized and in gaining a sense of significance in a crowded world.

It is almost as if we could equate our experience of this world’s beauty and magnificence to the degree of success, we achieve in it. Even though one can argue that those who have achieved the most success in our world do not live the best lives, they at least appear to do.

I attempt to think of the love of Christ, from this perspective also, that God does want to give me the best of this life – not just this brief mortal existence but of the entirety of life, of eternity. God, the maker of life, wants the best, the very best for all of His children; hence, when we complain of the failings of this world, He is the first to remind us that this is not the only plan, that this is just early days, the stumbling of a child learning to walk. Like a child, who spends a considerable amount of time crying, our initial experience of life could be rightly deemed to be traumatic.

In Jesus Christ, we find the cure to the chief trauma, the death effect of sin; In Him, God resolved our chief dilemma – our propensity to err; He forgave our sinfulness and supplies us with His Spirit so that we could live beautiful lives.

The love of Christ, in summary, is the entire plan, it is what makes this existence, this intermittent series of laughter and suffering, to have meaning. A meaning that transcends our mortality, our at best, 70-80 years on planet earth.

Sometimes, I wonder what life would look like if there were no forgiveness of sins, if there were no encouragement and comfort, of love and truth. It is indeed true that when we lose sight of these, that meaninglessness sets in, and we begin to dry up and die.

He loved us so that we could truly live beautiful lives.

God bless you.

@Nelson

1Jn 1:4 And we write these things to you so that your joy may be full.

Image Credit: https://missionsbox.org/news/christians-loving-others-jesus/

SCENE SIX

He had said “today”,

That was it, “today”, and his day came.

Now, he could no more feel the pain.

He was still there, hanging by his side, but there was the difference.

It had all began to make sense, his mother, Theodoras, Judas, Zacchaeus and the raging Council.

It was his gang that stole at the house of Zacchaeus, they had always targeted tax collectors, though they often had Roman soldiers on guard, fortunately someone had given information on how best to to enter his house with the least commotion. The operation was a success, but he was caught the next day, the Romans had been on their tail. They had caught him, having sought him for too long, for crimes committed during the revolt; caught him so that he might have this day with the King.

He wasn’t sure his mother really knew…like the crowd below. They all had their opinions of him, he too had thought him something, till now.

He laughed; it was amusing to think that this was where God would choose to meet Him, all his life he had sought him, escaped him and born his angst. Today, he will meet Him!

“…today, you shall be with me in paradise”

To think that He had come to his cross to tell him that;

Today, he said, not tomorrow.

He laughed again, smiled at his mother and thought of the night before.

SCENE ONE

Tomorrow he would face his fears, today he lived to die.

The numbness was deafening amidst the stillness of the night, it was hard to feel his limbs. He felt for his hands, trying to rub them against the beam that supported his frame. It shouldn’t be a difficult task but after being tied for so long, with hands beside the back against a wooden beam, the body finds it hard to feel itself.

But he must retain sanity, a little dignity at least. He must push back the glaring evil that seem to rush at him anytime he appeared to doze. His body craved sleep, his mind wandered. How could he sleep? Tied against a pole, continuously mocked and beaten by Broken-face, the soldier had reminded him that he needn’t bother to sleep, there would be enough of it where he was going. He’d resisted spitting at him, it cost him a tooth the last time.

He woke up panting, the dream again. He must have slept for a few minutes. The same dream. Why won’t they leave him alone? Life has been a harsh reality, had rained blows upon blows at him. He had stood his ground. Fighting with tooth and claw, against men, beasts and God. Should the dream torment him now? Who was to say he had failed because he would die tomorrow? The other member of their band had escaped with the loot, they were rich now, he was plain unlucky, God has finally succeeded in His quest – His quest to punish him. Who would plead his case?

The door of their prison flung open, he prayed they were coming for him. Anything was better than this taunting silence. It had left him with himself, allowing his thoughts to plague him. Even himself loathed him; craving Broken-face’s taunts to his.

The middle gate opened, he could now distinguish the sounds, the steps of each soldier was unique: Black-face walked a bit hurried, thumping the hard floor. Broken face was slower with a heavier thud, Toinete was light-footed but the keys always gave him away; he played with them. He was the one coming now, he had someone with him. The person wasn’t heavy set, a lot lighter than Toinete, no keys and no boots. One of the prisoners must have a visitor. Lucky chap, who would visit him?

They stopped at his door.

She must have heard — his mother.

His mother! His loathsome body betrayed him, strong shivers ran down his back as his body shook. He swallowed hard, blinking rapidly, they have not seen for years. He had heard all about her, his informer was quite skilled. He gazed up against the still light that sometimes crept into his solitary cell, willing it to dim. She mustn’t see his face, he was crying – tearlessly.

She was the only noble thing about him and the beginning of his woes. Today he would curse her God and her, he would ask of where He is, with him, her son, dying in the arms of villains who had conquered their nation. He would ask of their religious father who had left them to suffer because of his fear of the council. He would mock her for believing in the mercies of such a God, in His goodness. It is not that he didn’t fear God, he did, for a lifetime He had suffered at His hand. He did fear God but he had also come to despise Him. Is he bitter? No, he is telling the truth, the mere truth. God had disdained him; He had disdained him, her and his brother. He had glared His teeth at them for nothing; his anger at his mother was that she had borne His fury with calm.

His door slowly opened. He closed his eyes again, the tears had now welled up. He mustn’t cry now, not again. He had never cried before but for today. As if in answer to his prayer, the light went out, it was only such prayers God obliged him, to put off a light.

“Thadeus, your mother is here”

Light-foot wasn’t known for many words.

Tears filled her eyes. God, what have they done to my son, what have You done to him, hasn’t he paid enough? She had only a little time. The soldiers had taken a huge bribe for the short visit.

“What do you want? Woman” He roared.

It was the beast that spoke. She had hoped that, perhaps, today she would meet her son; that she would meet the Thadeus she had nursed and bathed.

What does she want? What was she supposed to want?

She sat on the cold floor, choking under the sordidness of the place. The cold silence cloaked around her gently as the mist of the place gently left her; the dark clouds lifted, replaced by an assurance the rolled at her heart like rolling waters.

”It is all over now”, she thought. “It is all over now”.

Death: yes, death. That was it!

Her child would die tomorrow and a part of her with him. She had come, hoping that she could save that part, hoping and praying that, perhaps, God would answer. To share the news of the Way, the news that had warmed her heart all year. To per chance, change him a little, to see if he could see the light she now sees, though dimly. She knew their hope was with the light. The light was their only hope. Condemned by God, man and law, her son would die tomorrow, by crucifixion.

She had understood, with the lifting of the clouds, sitting on that stone floor, she had understood a bit better. Words ran from her as she sought to speak. It was not God! It was man! The beast in man!

Yes, it explained it all. The beast in her son is in all of them, was in all of them. It was in her and their father. It made them do the wrong things they did. It made their father do things in the name of God and things against His name and man. It made Him reject them and them to reject him and his God. It made outcasts of Samaria, excommunicating her from the commonwealth of Israel. It built this prison and filled it. It built the cross and would hang her son on it, tomorrow. Yes, it had beaten her son, scorched him and left him with this toughness as dignity.

“But he still got a chance” she thought. She stood and got a bit closer, he looked away, a bit curious. The soldier shuffled his feet; she wasn’t supposed to come too close. Prisoners have been known to obtain poison from visitors. “It is not God” she finally said, “it is not God”.

“God is Spirit, my son,”

“God is Spirit”

“Don’t judge Him by the flesh; don’t worship Him by it either”.

The gates clanked, her time was over; she hoped she had said enough.

May God have mercy on her son.

He spoke as she left, words that made Light-foot curse like only Romans could. He cursed at the Jews and their madness. It was almost a whisper, but she heard her son mutter, “God? He is cruel”.

SCENE TWO

She had not walked for long when she first heard him

“Mother”,

She turned slowly; the voice was unmistakably Theodorus’,

She scanned the crowd, catching herself as a heavy-set man almost knocked her down, she steadied herself and picked up the satchel. The street was narrow,  it was the Passover, the streets of Jerusalem was brimming with people and livestock. She stood behind a shade of grain packed by the street wall, looking out for where the sound came.

“Mother”,

This time, she saw him, Theodorus was calling from a shade, in a little opening by the street wall, a very narrow way that led to the other part of the town. It was a dangerous alley, she had never used it. He must have been hiding from someone while waiting for her. She wondered at why he would be hiding, it was always Thadeus that lurked at corners. Of her twins, Theodorus was the angel, Thadeus was black thunder.

She had named him Theodorus – “gift of God”. As a child, his smiles had made light her burdens. She had hoped that one day, through him, God would show her His salvation. Thadeus meant “heart”. Love was on her mind when she named him, of the twin, he was the first to be born. They were the products of her love, a failed love, a love that had taken everything and left her broken. It was like the little one understood, for Thadeus had looked love in the face and went in the opposite direction. She couldn’t blame him.

“Theodorus, is that you?” she had walked to where he was.

“Come in mother, it is safe”

“Why the hiding, Theodorus?

What have you done?”

“Mother, did you see him?”

“He is dead, my son, your brother is dead”

Theodorus was quiet for a while, “but that’s not what I heard,” he answered. “The soldier said he is to be crucified tomorrow, I am here to see him”.

“Theodorus, he still breathes and talks. But he is dead; he had cursed God and died”

Their mother often spoke like that, hers had been a tough life. Her words always masked her grief, like now, he was the one with tears in his eyes.

“Curse God?”

To him, it was God that cursed them. They were bastards, him and his brother. Their father was Jewish and had rejected their Samaritan mother. To him, they were more Samaritan than Jew, he has even stopped bothering which one he was. Their cross was bigger than they; they had sought a God who had evaded them, one who didn’t want them. Like his mother, he had learned to mask his anger and pain.

He had learned to postpone his questions for another day.

Scorned by their neighbours on the streets of Samaria, he had learned the joys of private tears and an unfeeling gesture, unlike stormy Thadeus who answered every taunt with fists and blows. Between him and their mother; they had loved him, they understood his demons and his rage. He was Theodorus’ outlet and the husband their mother never had.

He was the first to know of their father. Their mother had never planned to tell them, she was going to take it to her grave. Her own mother had thought better of it and had told her grand children, she had told them that their father was alive and well, in fact, a leading member of the synagogue.

The next day, Thadeus left. He joined the revolt. The one led by Judas of Galilee, Theodorus had resisted the urge to join also.

The thinker, he was prone to first seek a reason, what good would it serve? Of course, it could be a great chance to redeem his Jewish heritage and perhaps his father’s love. The risk was high though, his mother had urged him not to, she had feared losing both sons to the Romans. From hindsight, Theodorus was glad he didn’t. The Romans were brutal in crushing the uprising. Thadeus had survived, only to become a permanent enemy of the state, desperately sought. Haunted by the Romans and the Jews, his cause was more from anger than for a nation’s honour. Theodorus knew his brother’s anger, he was no hero.

He, had left for Galilee to learn a trade, it was there he met the sons of thunder and their father, Zebedee.

His time with the Zebedees was the best of his life. He was the father he didn’t have, with his prominent wife; their children, James and John. With them Theodorus found a semblance of peace and joy in a Galilean fishing family. It was a bliss broken only by the appearance of the teacher from Nazareth.

He was there the day the teacher arrived.

He had witnessed the miracle with the fishing boats.

It was on a clear still morning, the sun had just risen in the Galilean sky. He was whistling and thinking of Mary as he cleaned the net, thoughts of her had filled his head. He had let them, apparently to distract himself from the depression that had befallen the shore line that morning.

The night before was a fisherman’s nightmare – they had caught nothing.  They were cleaning the nets, bone tired. The shore was quiet as each man held his thoughts, rough hands cleaning and mending nets.

His was a simple idea, yet effective, that is, the teacher’s idea – to teach from the boat.

He would row out to the sea and then teach from the boat. It was said that the crowd thronged him from morning till night.

They have heard of him at Capernaum, and true to words, the crowds came with him, much to their dismay, disturbing the peace of the shorelines. This time, he had borrowed Simeon’s boat, convincing him to paddle a bit yonder for him to speak to the crowd that was increasingly getting larger. They went still as he started, the gentle breeze of the Galilean sea carried his voice to the shore, and his message was loud and very clear, too clear in fact. It was like he was speaking to something inside of Theodorus. He marvelled at his authority, to hear him was an experience hard to forget.

The teacher spoke of repentance, forgiveness, faith and Love.

It was like fire burned in his eyes, then the miracles, they happened very fast. At least five of the people he knew got healed that morning, they had heard of him from Capernaum, but that day, they saw him.

But Theodorus was Samaritan, his mother was Samaritan. The teacher was a Jew and spoke to Jews, he had never told the Zebedees of his birth but he feared the Teacher would know, so he stayed back. He stayed back to sell the fish after James, John, Andrew and Simeon had gone with him. They had just stood up and left.

They had left the greatest catch ever seen in Galilee for the man who gave the catch. He would have joined them but he didn’t. The teacher would know he was Samaritan and also, he was to see Mary that night.

Mary was a prostitute but all he had. She was enough for him.

John was adamant, beckoning on him to join, he had reasoned with him that someone ought to take care of their father Zebedee, they all couldn’t just leave the old man.

He would see Mary that night and perhaps, join them later. He really meant to do so, but the next time they met, he couldn’t. Even after all that Mary had said. More than her words, was the change in her, she had moved out of her space to a new life. He still reeled at her story of the teacher from Nazareth. He had waited for him to come to town again. But when he eventually did, he couldn’t leave with them. He just couldn’t not join his friends, it wouldn’t be wise to do so, how could he?

With Judas among his disciples? He knew Judas, he was a thief. With the likes of Judas with the teacher, Theodorus feared. Judas was friend to Thadeus.

He would see his brother tonight.

SCENE THREE

“Theodoras, I believe him, I really do”

She was standing by the window of the upper room with her back to him. Against the light from the window, from the other end of the room, Theodoras watched her supple body. For all that life had thrown at her, she was still very much an attractive woman and now, as usual, he longed for her.

He’d come from Galilee to see her. She was a bit different – a little calmer, much subdued. It was like her usual brazen nature was shrouded by a gentle fire or much still, replaced by it. She hadn’t looked him in the face all day and something told him the object of his quest would not materialize today and perhaps never again.

From her view she could see the Rabbi and his men below, she had just finished telling him of her ordeal. Getting to know, love and believe as she now has, was a journey, a journey that began long ago from her mother’s womb. A journey of shame and filth, she’d told the tale to him, praying that he may perhaps overcome his own doubts and lusts. They both have had cause not to believe and have found in themselves something to love. Today, she would not love him again, she prays he understood.

“But Judas is with him” he answered

“Judas, who is he?”

“Judas is the thief that goes with him, one of the twelve! He is a friend to my brother and he is in that crowd, how could he be just?”

“Theodoras, I am in that crowd too, who am I?”

“Mary, you’re different, they don’t know you, Judas is a thief!”,

“We are all the same Theodoras, we’re all sinners but I am changing, everyone around him is changing”

“Perhaps, even your Judas is changing” she added

He walked up to her and held her as her body trembled, he had said enough. Their talk could wait for another day, there were pressing matters.

“Not anymore Theodoras, not anymore, you must go now”

With that, she hoped he listened, she willed him to listen. Her treacherous body would fail her but she wouldn’t give it a chance, she’d prepared for this.

“My father is here, Theodoras, he is in the next room, we’ve made amends”

“I believe him, I believe the Teacher”

“Mary, you didn’t need to” he sighed, knowing she needed.

She closed her eyes and prayed for strength. He had said, “go and sin no more” and she’d found in those words, the faith to do just so. She had found a peace and love that had deluded her for a lifetime

Though she somehow still loved Theodoras, her love for him paled in comparison, she had loved him because she’d to love someone. The dilemma of her deprivation was that it had exposed her need, they’d called her a prostitute though they made her one. Who were they to judge her? Who was to judge her? The recollection brought her anger back, the anger that had filled her head that afternoon like a raging fire, the schemers had let the man go and dragged her to the street like a common thief. Theodoras spoke of a thief, she was one.

She knew he too bore some certain weights, sad secrets he had never shared. She could see it in his eyes, they were his constant companions, they always brought him to her. Tonight, she would pray for him.

Nothing had suggested the event of that day, She had washed herself as she prepared for him, not Theodoras but another. They were together when they raced in like mad men, grabbing, spitting and beating, men with darker secrets. They were the law of her land, the beasts for which she was prey. Angry and bitter, she had fought back, wondering if they could stone her.

By law, only Rome could give the death penalty. She had seen their charade and in it felt her shame, she was the victim of their mockery – God’s punishment for her many sins. Her anger wasn’t at them alone, it was at all that had led to the day, circumstances for which she was to blame and some for which she wasn’t. She had tried but failed at goodness, goodness few, if any have won. Now, she was to bear the mockery of hypocrites, they’d brought her to the teacher to test him like God had tested her. The teacher had found them all guilty.

“Theodoras, he said to go and sin no more”

“Don’t condemn me again, he didn’t”

“Mary, I do not condemn you” He whispered

“No Theodoras, you want to. I would be what they said I am if I let you, but I know I am not. Don’t condemn me, you must go now”

He’d lost her to him.

She was right, the Teacher hadn’t condemned her. He’d by his justification shown her a love for which she was free to live. A love higher than what she had sought in men, what he had sought in her. He was yet to find it though he thirsts for it. He’d seen it in Peter and James, seen the change he was going to deny. It was just this Judas, they like Mary didn’t know Judas. Would they have believed a master that had Judas with him?

He didn’t.

SCENE FOUR

“I heard their whispers, within and without, speaking of whom I am or am supposed to be. They remind me of failings and choices, of fears and doubts. I haven’t been perfect and they would make sure I remember. They say I am angry, but I’m not. They say I’m bitter, am I?

But what is there to be bitter at?

The life I have is all I had and all I give. I know so, I am beautiful, and I am desirable. My past been different, but it’s mine. Mine are not simple stories, but they are mine. A story I am not ashamed to tell, and so I have, should you haunt me for it? Should you seek to rule me for it?

I only desire that you respect me, and don’t laugh at me. Never ever laugh at me, never look or talk to me like that. Never think you know the half of it, you weren’t there, you can’t understand, but I am strong, I am. Now, come here, just do this. Do as I tell you and do listen, always listen to me.

I am Rahab, I have not died, see; I am alive! I had survived the worst of the tides, life had thrown bricks at me but I was none the loser. With her stones, I had built my own walls, to shield me from her pain, never to be hurt again. I am a survivor, a warrior, I will fight to win.

They said I’ve won, how could they? Life is much a fight, and I am not quitting. “Dump your gloves” they say, “Rahab, dump your gloves”, “we seek to shake your hands.”

“But these are my hands”, I answer.

“They are boxing hands, we come in peace”

But my enemies all came in peace. I was born in peace, a peace of a fight, a fight that had almost killed me, “Good Lord, you come in peace! Pick your gloves and fight; perhaps we will shake after you’ve won”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a bad person, I am good and beautiful, I desire the best of life and the love of God. I seek Him and I know Him, He has touched my heart and has saved me. You tell me to break my walls, but He saw them and let them be. The walls you ask me to break, they are good for me; from there I could throw my darts.

The walls, Rahab, are yours not His, only you can take them down. He left them for you to take them down.

What of the voices? They seek my life, to prevail against me? These walls are mine, they are good walls, necessary walls, and I would have died without them.

“But who built them, Rahab, who built them?”

“Your anger and your pain”, “You need walls, but not these types; you’re in Judah, not Gomorrah. The walls of Judah are safe enough; they are Love-walls, not hate-walls, not anger-walls, neither fear-walls nor doubt-walls.”

“You remember Jeshua, He had touched you and called you ours. He had said you could enter the city and live where you choose, to love who you may and bear kids of them. He had said none must harm you for Jehovah has called you His.”

“Even the prophets had prophesied, they had called your begotten Messiah, they had spoken of Kings to come, of Obed, of David and of the Kings of Kings.” They say you bear this and must birth these. Blessed are you among women, blessed are the fruit of your womb.”

You flatter me, I am Rahab, and you really do flatter me.

“Yes, you’re Rahab, meaning proud. But that which you would bear are humble Kings, Kings who would know no guile and for whom you would humble yourself. For your walls are really your pride, they are that which you’ve sincerely held”

Yes, Love was right, I did lose my gloves and broke my walls, only to find another; a greater wall of love, a shield from fear and angst; from doubts and pain. A wall on which I held to birth Obed, David and then Messiah, it is the humblest wall and the strongest.

I had found in those walls, shields to keep out the bad and arms to hold the good. They are humble walls, walls that have shaped my speech and tongue, had quieted my anger and made me free to truly love and be loved. To give and not doubt, to receive and be received; they are indeed strong walls, ancient walls.

I am Rahab and this is my story.”

Mary recounted the song of Rahab, the harlot from Jericho that had married Salmon, one of Joshua’s spies, the mother of Obed who was the father of Jesse, the father of David.

She smiled to herself, she shall one day birth her David.

SCENE FIVE

Zacchaeus stood in front of his house with a bemused expression on his face; he was not angry or agitated. He just stood there, reflecting on the events of the day and of the days past, a lot has happened. His life had stopped and restarted, he had found and lost a joy, his gain was much and his loss too was great. He now could see each with different eyes, there was that for which he could never pay – his gain, and that for which he was prepared to pay – his loss. For the latter, he was determined to pay for them all, he had rather not but he had pledged to do so and he would.

He stretched a little and leaned against the wall, the sun had almost set. The gentle breeze whispered in the air, reminding him of that beautiful day when with eager expectation he had climbed the sycamore tree. He smiled at the memory as he sat thinking, unsure of how he would repay his debts, assuring himself that he would do so somehow. His gain and loss were both a prepared blessing; for the former, he only had to reexamine his previous life to be grateful. They had noticed the change, though they didn’t praise him for it, they had noticed and for Zacchaeus, that was enough.

The master had come to his home; he had found joy and gained the enmity of his former friends. Today, God has saved him from their worst, today; he would continue his work at repentance.

Zacchaeus took himself seriously, and did the same with his new found faith; his faith in the teacher who had shown him forgiveness – God’s forgiveness, the kind David wrote about. He had climbed a Sycamore tree to see him and was surprised when he asked to come to his home.

“You should come down Zacchaeus”

“No, you mustn’t come, Master” he pleaded

“Come down Zacchaeus, I must. For today, Salvation has come to your house” He replied.

With tears running down his eyes, Zacchaeus sat down as he had done many times over, to think of that gracious day. The people had watched in amazement as the Master and his disciples strode to his home for a meal. He wished they understood, but how could they? He had found it hard to understand it himself; a sinner like him had found grace. They said He was holy yet loving, brazen yet kind, he had found out for himself; he knew the reality of what he had found.

There was a better way, this joy was real; it was all he had craved but never had. They had told him it didn’t exist and he had allowed his greed to lead him, the greed that had led his fathers. He had gotten the wealth but like they all had found – the gold was not enough.

His work made him a willing ally with the Romans, it was a profitable venture for which he had made the most of the situation and his friends had all gained from the thriving venture. His repentance didn’t make them happy; repaying those he had defrauded was going to leave him with very little and some of them, with nothing.

Now he has little and yet to repay.

But it was a good thing that has happened to him for had things been different; he would have been dead by the week. His accusers would have found ways to kill him. Someone had informed the soldiers of his decision to give half his goods to the poor and to repay those whom he had defrauded. Their plan was simple: to arrest him with the large amount of silver and then accuse him of defrauding Ceaser; and perchance put him to death. In the past, tax collectors have been killed for withholding tax from Rome; his enemies had willed that fate for him.

“We know you’ve the gold here” they said

The soldiers weren’t new to him; they were from the battalion of one of his old friends

“Which gold?” He answered,

The arguments were useless; their case was water-tight.

Zachaeus had closed his eyes and muttered a prayer; would God forgive him and then punish him? Need he find this forgiveness if he was going to die like this. A million thoughts ran through his mind as they went straight for the inner room, someone must have informed them, someone close, someone who heard of his commitment to repay those he had defrauded.

He prayed God to be merciful and see his heart, everyone knew tax collectors collected more than was due and kept more than was meet. His enemies would all act righteous and accuse him of defrauding Ceaser. He prayed, hoping that God would somehow cause them not to see the silver, they didn’t and much later, he too didn’t.

Somehow had stolen the money; a robbery which must have saved his life.

Leaning against the wall, Zachaeus pondered on the whole scenario and couldn’t help laughing; God was at work and He sure has a sense of humor.

He leaned over, praying for the men who had robbed him; they had meant it for evil, but God had meant it for good. He prayed that God’s salvation would come to them too, as it had come to him; that they too, being thieves might find the Messiah close to heart.

By Nelson Okwonna

I doubt if I will ever get used to dentist visits; even minor procedures like routine cleaning get my pulse racing; however, we know dental visits are the least of our worries when the subject of pain is considered. Then, we often think of the type that blocks the entire horizon – the kind that makes it difficult to see anything else – rape, homelessness, cancer, torture, kidnapping, death and fear of death. It is difficult to relate until it comes home, until we experience firsthand the ravages of armed banditry, terrorism, HIV/AIDS, sickle cell anaemia disease, racism, false accusations and cancer; we find it hard to understand.

Trauma Creates Victims

These kinds of pain – the kind that blocks the entire horizon and demand our consistent and immediate attention – have the capacity to make victims of us. The mindset of victimhood is not necessarily the mindset of hopelessness, rather it is the mindset that somehow, life has dealt us a bad hand. In response, we are quick to conclude that something, someone is responsible. Even when the trauma is imaginary, the victim mindset is a real scenario that demand attention because we easily find ourselves in the position more often than we care to admit. Consider the fact that mere existence, life itself, could be adjudged as a traumatic experience.

The Victim’s Sense of Justice

Naturally, a victim demands justice – to right the wrong. With this natural desire is the sense of fury required to execute this justice. However, in many cases of trauma, the mechanism by which this justice should be executed is not always possible or clear. For example, the African Americans of USA have historically suffered great injustice in the hands of their Caucasian co-citizens – from slavery to racial discrimination; yet it is not apparent how exactly they are to exact justice for the wrong done to them.

Bitterness and Propensity for Sin

This inability to resolve the justice requirement could make the victim bitter or lower his resistance to actions he would otherwise have believed to be wrong. Alcoholism and drug use are vices often undertaken to “numb the pain”; individuals with a victim mindset believe that some-how they are entitled to such vices. Prostitution, youth violence, suicide, reprisal movements are often actions taken by individuals who otherwise wouldn’t have done so if not for the sense that somehow, they are “entitled” to some reprieve. This vicious cycle of trauma begetting bitterness and justification of vice is responsible for a lot of the evil we see in our world today, from religious fundamentalism to domestic issues. It leads to what I call a caricature of the soul – a previous article does justice to this.

Unresolved Bitterness Creates Caricatures

The initial trauma that caused the state of victimhood is usually unresolved or is perceived unresolvable, yet the outworking of bitterness and vice creates perversions of reality for the victim, who over time adopts a different standard of judgment for themselves and for others. A case study can be seen with the Indian Americans, Afro-Americans and the aborigines of Australia; we also see this even with oppressed minority tribes in Nigeria. Make no mistake, the oppression can be very much real, but the bitterness and its effects are even more so.

Is there Hope for the Victim?

Yea, there is. if this victim realizes that the bitterness and resultant vices are sins, and repents from them, then he can come to joy. Joy is that delightful sense of God-presence with which every oppression and trauma can be overcome. It is not the absence of issues, but the presence of something despite the issues. You see, the traumatic events of our lives, regardless of how intense they are, do not influence our relationship with God in any way, they do not even provide insight on the state of that relationship.

However, the bitterness and vices that can result from that traumatic experience can easily take us far away from God and into dark places, which is why repentance is required. It may sound strange that we would need to tell the victim to repent, but we must. Life might have dealt him a bad hand, things could be tough, yet the righteous requirements of God are the same. Of course, the victim has a lot of questions – one of which is “why evil happens to innocent people?” I’ve written on this earlier… Yes, dear, evil things happen to good people all the time; yet the good news is that Good can co-exist even in that evil state.

Rise or Fall: Choosing Life

It is very true that individuals who have experienced intense trauma can retain sanity and joy despite their trauma and overcome the appeals of bitterness; it is also true that it is only by so doing that they can overcome the slide into bitterness and the accompanying vices. Traumatic events cannot leave us the same, we either rise with them or slip; the message of the Gospel is that we can rise with them. The gospel is for the poor – the humbled, the broken hearted, the mourning. It is for the individuals who have met with life, seen their total incapacities and have reached out to God; we can boldly say that God is very near to all who call upon Him.

God with Us

Now, we are quick to call on God to save us from this evil and rightly so; but first of all, we must know that He is with us, even in this evil. It is this God-with-us consciousness that compel forgiveness; yes, you must forgive others and yourself. This does not mean that you mustn’t eventually overcome the evil, but that it finds no place in your heart. Even if your case is of a terminal nature and will result in the loss of life and there is nothing that can be done to avert it, then be assured that you’ve trusted in the one who can raise the dead and who has the capacity to judge righteously. When Jesus said, “unto thy hands I commit my Spirit”, He reminds us of the right disposition for all who’ve trusted in God and have met an overwhelming evil. We cannot commit ourselves to revenge, to bitterness or self-pity, we cannot even trust in the mercies of men, rather, we can commit ourselves to God and come, bearing sacrifices of Joy.

May God’s grace be with you and yours. Amen